Drink-a-Pint

Did you know that Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey starred in one of the worst “horror” films ever made back in 1994? Neither did I, until I cracked open a Sam Adams “Beers of Summer” sampler pack last night.

The night started out like any other. My wife and I had just put our seven month-old daughter Hannah to bed. The tiki torches on the deck were lit. She had a bottle of wine chilling that I knew she was going to hate and I was deciding between Samuel Adams Pale Ale and Hefeweizen.

I’m a big fan of the Sam Adams sampler packs, even though this one had Boston Lager and Light in the mix. My rule of thumb is that sampler packs should only have unique styles and flavors in them. If I wanted the Lager and Light, I’d buy them and be done with it. But, I’m all about variety, and the rest of the selection drew me to this 12-pack. Summer Ale, Pale Ale, Hefeweizen and Cherry Wheat. That’s a good combo.

The Samuel Adams Hefeweizen is a good, middle-of-the-road take on an Americanized hefeweizen. It poured a clear, golden color with a smidge of cloudiness, but there wasn’t much of a scent. The beer can only be described as somewhat sweet, but without the fruitiness that I’d usually associate with a beer of this kind. Don’t get me wrong, it was very drinkable, but didn’t bowl me over to the point where I’d buy a 12-pack or get it outside of the sampler.

The Samuel Adams Pale Ale, on the other hand, really hit the spot for me. On the pour, it had a nice white head and a clear body with a slightly golden/orange hue. The aroma was a nice mix of malt and hops that stood up on its own against the scent of tiki torches, once I took the glass outside. As for the taste, it can only be described as a combination of a smooth and creamy up front and a dry finish. Exactly what I’d expect from a pale ale and one of the best I’ve had. Before I knew it, my glass was gone and I was pouring another. This is a brew that is worthy of a standalone 6 or 12-pack purchase.

Jump ahead about ninety minutes, a few beers, a pair of shots and that bottle of wine are gone while Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation has popped up on-demand. In addition to beer, I’m a big fan of horror flicks and have converted my wife over the years. When we saw who was in this, we were amazed that Renée Zellweger was in this just a couple years before “Jerry McGuire” and Matthew McConaughey ended up in this shortly after his great performance in “Dazed and Confused,” so we hit play and got ready to enjoy an alcohol-enhanced movie.

Thank god the beer, wine and shot my wife talked me into were good, because this may be one of the worst horror movies I’ve ever seen. The basic plot goes something like this. A group of four teenagers on prom night decide to leave early and end up getting into a car accident after making a turn down a dirt road while following a detour sign. They end up walking through the woods to an insurance office in the middle of nowhere that is inexplicably open late on a Friday night and meet up with a woman named Darla, who offers to have her husband tow their car. Her husband is a psychopath named Vilmer whose brother is the serial killer Leatherface. Makes total sense, right? So, the teens all end up at a boarded-up, secluded, old farmhouse where the cannibalistic family lives.

Normally, that’d be a perfectly fine plot for a horror film, but the movie was just laughably horrible. Where did that plane come from that killed Vilmer and then flew away? How could the police not have found this place when it was apparently just a five minute drive from the local high school? Who the hell was that guy who showed up in the limo, shows off a bunch of nipple piercings, tells Matthew McConaughey that he’s not killing people fast enough and needs to remember he’s doing it for “the horror” then drives off?

So, if you’re looking for a movie with bad acting, too many plot holes to mention, makes no sense and has an entire cast of characters you wish would die quicker so you can get to the credits, you might just enjoy yourself.

Or, if you’re at least looking for some decent beer to have before watching a good movie, give the Sam Adams Beers of Summer sampler pack a try and enjoy the Pale Ale with a side of Hefeweizen. Yummy…